The Laughter in My sleep

                                         THE LAUGHTER IN MY SLEEP

            ****************************************

                         BY: Keith H. Seymour

                         *****************************

                  Last night,

                                                               I was oddly awakened-

                                                               by...laughter.

                                                               The laughing voice...so distinct

                                                               that I realized …

                                                               IT was...mine.

                                                               Yes, I accidentally thought of you,

                                                               which caused me

                                                               to spontaneously laugh...

                                                               during my sleep.

                                                               After all,

                                                               it seemed so absurd

                                                               that years of friendship

                                                               could possibly become

                                                               something more.

                                                               So, under the circumstances,

                                                               I couldn't help

                                                               laughing in my sleep.

                                                        

                                                              That some sobering spirit

                                                               should cause  me to unwittingly...

                                                               profess my love, and ask for yours in return.

                                                               Then  learn that I only

                                                                            might

                                                                             get it.

                                                                You  say that you think

                                                                 you may feel

                                                                 the same undying love for me?

                                                                 But need time...

                                                                 to find out for sure?!

                                                                 Which means

                                                                  you may find out

                                                                 that... you don't love me-

                                                                 eventually.

                                                                 What  a terribly ironic joke.

                                                                 So, I laughed...during my sleep.

2

                                                              I am sure God laughed too.

                                                              Only, HIS laugh

                                                              was likely louder.

                                                              For, I merely asked for

                                                              a stress free love.

                                                              Yet, HIS answer

                                                               was...you!

                                                               Then I find out that should these feelings

                                                               mutually exist,

                                                               we might...only

                                                               be able to express them from afar.

                                                               Meaning,

                                                               the prospect of your continuing love

                                                               I may eventually lose.

                                                               This thought

                                                               causes me to laugh

                                                               at myself.

                                                               Awake---and in my sleep.

                                                               I laugh

                                                              at... how

                                                              I foolishly admitted

                                                                       that

                                                                “I love you!”

                                                             Then again,

                                                             for regretting my revelation

                                                                         to you.

                                                                 Yes, as I slept...

                                                             God probably laughed too.

                                                                 With me? At me?

                                                             I'm not sure which.

                                                          

                                                             All I really know... is that HE knows

                                                             that you know...that

                                                                “ I truly love you!”

                                                             Also, unlike us... HE

                                                                   presently knows

                                                                         your...heart.

                                                              Except, HE won't tell me.

                                                              No. HE has left that task

                                                                         to... YOU!

                                                              I guess... the joke is not on me.

                                                              The joke...is me.

                                                              So, I laughed,

                                                              I laughed within... my...sleep.

2

                                                             Oh... if I had  already been “conscious”

                                                              of how happy you make me feel,

                                                             even when we're apart.

                                                             Even when I'm asleep.

                                                             Maybe, I'd have been happier

                                                             sooner, and consciously laughed aloud

                                                            and with greater frequency

                                                             Then again...

                                                             Maybe not.

                                                             Anyway,

                                                            what a waste!

                                                           Such a loss of potential laughter.

                                                             Oh, how extremely sad.

                                                           Yes, our lives may soon depart from one another,

                                                           and then... we may or may not find

                                                                                    that

                                                                           time will heal

                                                                any newly discovered  feelings

                                                                into... at least...one set of

                                                                open-heart wounds.

                                                                Such good... or not so good fortune

                                                                laughs at me, as I become aware of this newly realized     

                                                                                   love.

                                                                So, I happily think of you,

                                                                while I also laugh... as I sleep.

                                                                Last night I thought of you,

                                                                and awoke

                                                                to my own laughter

                                                                of irony.

                                                                Yes, I really did.

                                                        

                                                                Maybe we will never know

                                                                 if my timing's too late,

                                                                or if a future romance

                                                                we will at some point obtain.

                                                                But we already know

                                                                our friendship will still forever remain...

                                                                or so we think.

                                                                This I guess,

                                                                is why I laugh

                                                                when I think of you.

                                                                 Even... when I'm asleep.

2

Presence of a Need

Presence of a need

***************

By: Keith H. Seymour

You ask me what I want...What I need

that you and other who care about me,

can give.

Some present on a holiday, my birthday, or some other occasion.

I tell you....”I don't know.”

You reply lovingly: “take your time.

Except that what I told you...is a lie.

What I want...what I need...What I can use,

can't be wrapped up in fancy paper,nice ribbons, or anything

you can attach

a store bought.... or even a home made lovingly made card.

No. What I need cannot be purchased, or given.

What I need comes from me.

It is a sense of self, the knowledge that I am appreciated for me.

I need to know that my contributions are worth something

Not just those of material value, for I have so little compared to most,

and so mush more compared to others.

No, I speak of contributions of self, because sometimes....

that is all I have to give.

What I need... what I want...is someone

someone to kiss me good morning, and love me through the night

What good is all the materiel wealth in the world

if I have no one with to share it with...someone to become

part of me...The second part of a once complete

and now incomplete

soul.

When I think of Our Sacred Love

When I Think of Our Sacred Love

****************************

BY: Keith H. Seymour

*******************

I kiss your lips hello, each morning

before I open my eyes.

Then when awake... your are not there.

When this reality appears... my heart dies.

I reach over to the night table,

where your smiling picture is adorned

by the beads of Holy Church and Holy Mother.

I then pick it up and kiss your smile,

knowing for me...you are my Love...There is no other.

Each night, I pray Holy Beads for our eternally earthly union.

I kiss you goodnight, close my eyes, and for a few brief unconscious hours,

We are consciously together... eating tomatoes, and tuyo

Mahal and Inday...as I dream of you, and you of me,

we happily cry.

For, I know you do the same of my picture and your Holy Beads

in your far away place.

As you close your eyes, and picture my true and faithful love for you,

that is so unmistakably... upon my face .

Your day is my night, my day your night,

and even though separated by thousands of miles, distant lands. and many seas,

we are joined together, by God given love... as our mutual keys.

Someday...and the sooner the better.

whether our eyes our physically open or closed,

we will mutually and concurrently kiss...when our Holy Beads and lives

by God are joined Together.

Sighting...the Truth

Sighting...the Truth

BY: Keith H. Seymour

If we were blind...and touched

the other's

hands, eyes, face, or any other part....of our physical being,.

how would we know... the hue, shade or color

of the other's skin?

Unless....

somehow... verbally.... revealed.

It is therefore, not what we see with the eyes placed within in head

that matters,

but the eyes from within... and that express our true selves.

The eyes placed within our hearts...our souls.

I do not know....whether or not there would be

less

fear, hate, prejudice, or war

if the world population suddenly lost the ability of physical sight

or even

If God in his wisdom, had never endowed mortals with this gift.

Therefore, forcing mortals to use the eyes from within.

I only know

that true blindness....comes not from loss of physical sight

but.

The inability...or refusal

to see others and ourselves...using the eyes placed within

our hearts and souls

CHOOSING TO LIVE IN A WORLD THAT...

CHOOSING TO LIVE IN A WORLD THAT...

BY: Keith H. Seymour

************************

I once heard a song...

from

what is now known

as the ...“Baby Boom Era.”.

The song's refrain,

“I won't live in a world without love”

is oh still so clear to me!

So, I now wonder,

has that... same generation,

once known for proselytizing

this ideal of the world,

now exchanged

the values of love, understanding, and compassion

with those of

status, established power, and wealth?

I recently had a conversation with a longtime acquaintance.

An esteemed and prosperous old Black man,

A product of that era, and once known

to espouse...and live

the ideals of that song's refrain.

As we spoke of tragic events occurring throughout the world,

he suddenly

sincerely proclaimed:

“Those people in the ninth ward of Louisiana,

those killed by Tsunamis, and those in poor wretched people in Haiti,

are all poor, desperate and lazy.

God gave them land to be productive and free!

It is because they aren't, they are are

, now

experiencing  God's wrath.

So, what has occurred, is as it must be.

Still, I will lend my aid to better their cause

because next year

it is a tax write off

for me.”

I replied to his words abruptly, with an overtly offending glare

True, people need to pull themselves up by their bootstraps.

But what if they have no boots to wear?

Sure, if you teach a man to fish, he will eat for a lifetime,

but what if the source of that fish is poisoned,

and eating it

will not help sustain life, but rather...kill?

Then sir, I maintain that your proclamation

goes against...  GOD'S will.

Yes. I know, no true earthly Utopia will ever exist.

Yet, shouldn't we still strive to maintain ...a world in which

someone with an extra pair, will selflessly provide

the boots and the straps

to pull up and wear, and where people acknowledge

that poisoned fish is useless as food?.

No! I refuse to live in a world without love.

So the fact that I choose to remain...well it must mean

That somewhere in this world there still must be

others working to emphasize the greatest gifts

of

Faith, Hope, and Charity,

A wan....to Feel

A want.... to Feel
**************
BY: Keith h. Seymour
*****************

I want to feel.... I want to feel something special!
I want to feel like,
I have made a positive difference
somewhere, at sometime, for somebody..anybody,
and still do.
I want to feel or have Faith of something special...
even if I am not sure that it is there

Don't apologize, because you think you have offended me
when I have given no such indication.
That makes me feel,
as if I made you feel insecure...
or someone else has,
and you see me as no better.
I want to you to feel secure about me ...as a friend, a person, a human being,
a mere mortal.
I want you to feel and know that you are a special person.
Not just to me, but to others, and more importantly
to GOD.

I don't just want to feel like a valued employee, friend, or family member.
I want to feel like...you know I will listen when you need an ear,
I will be your heart, when you need a reason to care, or your strength
when you are too tired to try.
I want to feel like you know that... I actively and sincerely care.

Even if I never hear a word of thanks,
I want to feel like...
you smiled because I said hello, or because I smiled at you,
or because I was a part of your life... for even a day.

I want to feel... like you believe I am worth the effort
of reminding me that there is a green pasture over the next mountain or hill,
even when all my hopes and dreams ...seemed to have faded and disappeared,
and I have lost hope... none will ever again appear.
I want to feel... that I am so special to you...you refuse to let me give up
on me...you.. us...anything!

I do not want to feel like an obligation, or something
you have gotten used to over time,
the way someone gets used to an unwanted present they feel too guilty to exchange,
or an elderly relative or friend who has your respect
due to their advanced age.
I want to feel like... even with all my failures and frailties
you are proud to have me as part of your past, present, and future.

Maybe the sun did not shine any brighter because I was in your life another day.
Or the moon and the stars had no more majestic a glow,
because you ended your day, knowing I was a part of it.
Still, I would like to feel as if these things were true.
Can't you give me this feeling, when you know I would
for you?

I am not asking, nor do I want you to lie.... or to pretend
I am any more special than you believe me to be
I just want you to acknowledge that I do and always have cared about and for you!
I just need to feel... like I made a positive difference
to you...somebody...at sometime..someplace... somewhere.

Covert Conversion

Covert Conversion
*************** BY: Keith H. Seymour
*******************
You changed me.
No, I mean it. You changed me.
I am not sure
Whether it was intentional or not.
At least, at the time
it didn’t seem that way.
I certainly did not ask you to change me.
I was just fine as I was, anyway.
You said so your yourself.
Even when we argued you said I was
an adequate person. Sometimes… a bit more.
Still... some how without my knowledge
You changed me.
You changed me,
And when we parted
I thought… even told you
You’d be happy, or maybe you just didn’t care.
Even your denial of this statement
seemed… extremely insincere.
Now, others correspond that you miss me.
Well, What right do you have to exercise
this prerogative?
I acknowledge that as a woman
You might have the right to change your mind.
You had no right however,
to change me.
Such an improvement would not normally bother me.
Except, I believe you enjoy the fact
That you knew of my sudden metamorphosis
long before I did.
I resent your change… your improvement of me.
I resent that I am here,
and you are still there.

The Old Woman
BY: Keith H. Seymour
She possesses the grace and beauty
that creates a sense of peace.
Her eternal uniqueness
comes from
vitality and inner-strength
that never does cease.
Her beauty
is so often painfully serene.
It is a beauty
which is worshipped
by mere mortals
and each celestial being.
The face of this old woman
tells of our futures,
and even where we’ve been.

Her eyes
still sparkle like …
the rarest gem, the shiniest ore.
Life’s teachings
have been chisled lines upon her face,
as if she were…
a statue of a goddess
from ancient greek lore.
Though many of these lines
were created by the architects of worry and fear,
her presence and beauty
still selflessly served others,
providing all who know her
their most precious of years.

She is the oldest of women.
She is known by residents of earth
and residents above.
She is the most beautiful of all women.
The one known as
LOVE.

Long Distance Love

Long Distance Love
*****************

BY: Keith H. Seymour
*********************
You are here…
I am there.
Our physical senses are unable to perceive
The existence of one another.
Yet, somehow…
Our hearts and souls
Concurrently and consistently
Do.

The words we have written
Have never been expressed by our lips.
Yet, though separated by land masses and ocean depths
The selfless passions we have for one another
Never seem unable to overcome these barriers

Still, these facts… make it no less painful to me,
To know
That we must impatiently wait
To join our lives,
So they may from then on match
Our already conjoined… souls and hearts.

Bahala na

Bahala Na
**********
By Keith H. Seymour
******************
Writer’s note: Bahala Na is a Filipino phrase that means “Come What May,” or “What ever God wishes for this time. It is roughly equal to the Spanish Phrase: “Que sera sera.”

Everything is copy written under my name.

Why couldn’t I tell you...
What others tried to tell me?
Why didn’t I know?
Or rather,
Why was I afraid to know… intellectually?
Though, I guess saying anything now,
Won’t matter… It is just too late.
Yet saying what I feel… is something that I must now do.

I thought time and distance
(But I was wrong)
would help me to forget
about my lack of courage… concerning a matter of the heart.
After all, didn’t you have the right to know…
and respond?
Even if you did reject me?
Then again, after all of this time
Do I have the right to let you know?
All I only know
Is that something in me impels me to confess all of this…
to you.

I know your heart has been given to someone else,
and Still, I have no regrets of knowing you as a friend.
I hope that even in the unfortunate happenstance
That we never meet again; you will still feel the same.
So please always know, that each day
I pray you experience eternal health, happiness, romance, and love.
As for any romance that may exist for me?
Well… Bahala Na.

Keith H. Seymour is a local freelance writer and poet. He may be reached at 803-233-9622, or E-mailed at keithhseymour@bellsouth.net or keithhseymour@bellsouth.net