Sunday, April 25, 2010

Discourse of Discovery

Discourse of Discovery
*******************

BY: Keith H. Seymour
********************
There was a time…. Once….
No, Often… when you were for me.
You were always with me.
even when
you weren’t actually there.
You see,
I still remember
a time when
You and your spirit
strengthened me.
Even when I didn’t need it,
and always ...when I did.
I never even had to ask for your compassion.
It was always there.
Maybe because you knew that
I feared asking for it
would be a sign of weakness
in your eyes also?
I don’t know.
I just know…
that your compassion was always there.

Ah yes, you and your spirit
would thrust your strengths upon me.
As if they were… hot coals
used to heal my pain.
You had such a loving spirit,
that came with the precious gift
of unconditional love.
It gave me such strength,
and I cherished it.
So, I’ve always tried to provide you
with the same.
Though, I am not sure
that you know this.
Not anymore, not now.

Yes, you are still here…
but not really. Not anymore.
You see… Now,
even when you are present,
I often can’t find you.
You now cause me to feel…
abandoned and alone.
Especially when you are
present or near.
So, even when I know that you are present,
your being of presence…
isn’t.
So now I wonder:
Why do I need or want
You or the presence of your spirit,
when I know that they cause me such pain!!!?


This question has at times
wounded me in ways that
only
I can know…
yet not completely understand.

Causing me to ask,
“Why and when
in my very presence
did you leave me!”

I ask because, well…
I don’t know
when or why
your approval became so conditional-
based upon the status of
such perfect graces.
After all, I know
your weaknesses and failings,
and although it may seem
Imperfectly so to you,
I have always tried to show
how much for you, I care.

I mean…
are my human frailties and errors
so inhumane that I don’t deserve
any sort of pardon,
or chance at restitution
for whatever horrible thing
that I have done to you!?
If so,
then such a horrendous sin
I should most certainly be made aware!
Yet, it seems such a disposition
you are either afraid to explore or know,
or yourself completely unaware.

So whatever the cause of your
sudden secession
from me,
I just want you to know that
I am sincerely sorry.
Yes, I am sorry
if you believe that
your life, mine, or someone else’s
has been a let down for you!

I can’t control that!
I am only able to deal with
the good and bad things
that makes us
me and you.
So I’ll no longer accept
that I must live with your attitude
of judgmental vain-glory.

You see,
it is your problem, not mine
that I am not like you,
or that I am who or what
You

wish me to be!
No. I will no longer allow you
to dictate that or any other
pretense
to me.

Oh yes,
I know
I am not perfect or infallible
like you.
I admit that I have flaws.
My name is not Narcissus!
I admit it! Its true!
I realize that you may not agree,
but I see no healthy logic in apologizing
for being mortal.

Yes, I make mistakes,
and yes…
I’ve even been known to fail.
Yet, in spite of all of this,
I know I’m a good person
Who has and will again
at life succeed.

So, whether you like it or not,
I am still proud to say
I’ve chosen to be the real and special me
Anyway!